Hunter Tremayne

Time: Evening

Place: The Brooklyn Bridge

At Rise: ROBERT BARRET (30s) stands in his socks with his shoes in his hand.  Folded neatly at his feet is his jacket.  He is looking down at the water beneath the bridge.

ROBERT

How does it go?  Goodbye, cruel world?

ROBERT looks at his shoes, wondering what to do with them.  We hear the sound of HIGH-HEELED FOOTSTEPS as ARIANE (30s) enters from stage left.  ARIANE is dressed very elegantly, and entirely, in white.

ARIANE

If you left her at the altar, feel free to jump.

ROBERT

What?  No, it's nothing like that.

(beat)

Excuse me; do I know you?

ARIANE

Yes, you do, though we have never met face to face.

ROBERT

You look like Kristin Scott-Thomas.

ARIANE

Indeed?

ROBERT

Yes, you look just like her.  When she was younger.  When she was in "Four Weddings and a Funeral."

ARIANE

You don't say?

ROBERT

I must have seen that movie twenty times.

ARIANE

Fancy that.

ROBERT

I had such a crush on her.

(beat)

I'm sorry; you said you know me.

ARIANE

That's right.

ROBERT

But we have never met.

ARIANE

No.

ROBERT

Was it online?

ARIANE

Robert, why were you trying to kill yourself?

ROBERT

Oh.  You know, I had forgotten about that.  I was taken aback a little, you know, by the whole Kristin Scott-Thomas thing.

ARIANE

I quite understand.  She's a very beautiful woman.  And you like women, don't you, Robert?

ROBERT

Oh yes.  Rather too much, I'm afraid.

ARIANE

And did this one break your heart?

ROBERT

Oh yes.  She broke everything.  Every atom.  My body feels like jello.

ARIANE

So you planned to kill yourself over this girl?

ROBERT

Yes.  Well, yes and no.  No.

(beat)

More no than yes, I'd say. 

ARIANE

So there's more to it than that?

ROBERT

Yes there is.

(beat)

May I ask why you are so interested, miss, uh...

ARIANE

Oh, just call me Kristen.

ROBERT

Really?

ARIANE

Yes; why not?

ROBERT

Your name isn't really Kristen?

ARIANE

Oh, I've been called a lot of things.  Over the years.

ROBERT

That sounds mysterious.

ARIANE

I am mysterious.

(beat)

So tell me the reason why you wanted to take your life.

(pause)

ROBERT

I really don't know where to begin.

ARIANE

Well, let's begin with who you are.

ROBERT

Who I am?  Well, I'm an accountant.

ARIANE

No, no: that's your job.  That's not who you are.  Who are you, Robert?

ROBERT

Who was I, you mean.

ARIANE

Very well: who were you?

ROBERT

Well, I was a poet.

ARIANE

Well, of course you're a poet; I wouldn't be here otherwise.

ROBERT

Excuse me?

ARIANE

I mean who are you now?  You've stopped writing poetry.

ROBERT

How did you know that?

ARIANE

The same way I know you adore Kristin Scott-Thomas.

ROBERT

I don't think I've ever told anyone about my feelings for Kristen.

ARIANE

But you told me, Robert.

ROBERT

I did?

ARIANE

It was in a poem.

ROBERT

You've read my poetry?

ARIANE

No, Robert, but I have heard it.

ROBERT

You have?

(beat)

When?

ARIANE

For years and years.

ROBERT

I've never had anything published!

ARIANE

Did you ever try?

ROBERT

No.

ARIANE

Why not?

ROBERT

Well, it's...you see...I write love poetry.  And I only write it for the woman I'm in love with.  I give her the poetry, to do with it what she likes.

(beat)

Is that what happened?  Did one of my exes read you some poems?

ARIANE

No, Robert.

ROBERT

Then how -

ARIANE

(interrupting)

I heard the poems you wrote for me.

ROBERT

(laughs)

Look, you're gorgeous, but I never wrote you any poetry.  I mean, look at you: I'd remember!

ARIANE

I told you that we had never met.

ROBERT

Then how could I have -

ARIANE

(interrupting)

"O lady, thou of febrile moods and fertile fancies / Still ever, ever so, the owner of a furious fate / Dissemble me...

ROBERT drops his shoes to the ground in shock.

ARIANE

"Fair remember me alive; let no dusty memory avail thee...

ROBERT

Oh my god.

ARIANE

"And constant as the heartsease, in that flower so resembled / Reassemble me in turn / To find me on thy fortune's wheel...

ROBERT

No!  That's impossible!

ARIANE

That isn't one of your poems?

ROBERT

Yes!  Of course it is, but it's not for you!

ARIANE

Isn't it?

ROBERT

No!  It's a poem I wrote for...it's a poem I wrote for...

ARIANE

Yes?

ROBERT

When I used to write love poetry...when I was on a roll...I would write one for the...goddess...

(beat)

The Goddess of inspiration.  And then I would read the poem out loud, at night, just once...

(beat)

And then I would burn it.  And then I would burn it.  It was a gift...

(pause)

ARIANE

Thank you for your gifts, Robert.

ROBERT

Oh.  My.  God.

ARIANE

Actually, it's Goddess.

ROBERT falls to his knees.

ARIANE

Oh, do get up.  Miss Scott's face is far prettier than the hemline of this dress, wouldn't you say?

ROBERT gets to his feet.

ARIANE

Poetry is the highest of all mankind's arts, and love poetry its finest expression.  Without love poetry, life is just a machine; but with it, there is beauty enough to make even this goddess sigh, and so it pleases me to spin the wheels and grease the gears of that machine.

(beat)

Why did you stop writing poems for me, Robert?

ROBERT

I...I just...I just...dried up.  One day...nothing came.  Even when I break up with a girl, there was still a poem to write...but now?  Now there is nothing.

ARIANE

And this is why you wanted to kill yourself?

ROBERT

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.

ARIANE

In all the poetry you wrote for me, what is the one thing you wanted in return?

(beat)

ROBERT

Nothing!

ARIANE

Oh, nonsense, Robert!  Come on, now.

ROBERT

Well...I wanted...I wanted to write more poetry...

ARIANE

Is that all?

ROBERT

Isn't that enough?

ARIANE

(laughs)

I know what you wanted, Robert.  It was in every line you wrote for me, the song behind every stanza.  You were just afraid to come right out and ask me for it.

ROBERT

Goddess, I...

ARIANE

Oh, call me Kristen.

ROBERT

Kristen.  Kristen...

ARIANE

Tell me what you wanted, Robert.  I can't give it to you unless you ask me for it.  There are rules.

ROBERT

I...

ARIANE

Just ask me.

ROBERT

I want...

ARIANE

Yes?

(pause)

ROBERT

True love.  I want true love.

(beat)

ARIANE

I can give you true love, Robert.

(beat)

But there is a price.

ROBERT

I'll pay anything you ask!

ARIANE

The price of True Love is this - you will never be able to write love poetry again.  You see, when you find true love, there is no need for it.

ROBERT

Oh.  I see.

ARIANE

Do you?  For there is more: we shall never meet again.  So the choice is yours: I can give you the inspiration to write again, or I can give you true love.

(beat)

Which shall it be?

(pause)

ROBERT

True love.

(pause)

ARIANE

Ah well.

ROBERT

I'm sorry.  I'm sorry...Kristen.

ARIANE

Oh, don't be.  Hah!  You think you're the only poet who writes for me?

ROBERT

But who...where...where shall I find...?

ARIANE

(highly theatrical and tongue-in-cheek)

Lo, mortal, hence thou must hie to the kingdom of Brook Lynn, where the fifty-first street bestrides the fifth, and there you shall find a tavern called O'Reilly's.  At the rear of this bar, even as we speak, in something called a booth, is a woman called Mary.

(ARIANE drops the theatricality)

You will find her writing a poem, Robert.  She is stuck on a rhyme in the  third verse.  The word she is looking for is "chimes."

ROBERT

Chimes?

ARIANE

Chimes.

(beat)

Off you go now.  True love awaits.

ROBERT

Thank you!  Thank you...Kristen!

ARIANE

Oh, it's not so very magnanimous of me.  After all, she is a poet, and you are a poet...or you were, at least...and the chances are good that your children might take to poetry as well, don't you think?

ROBERT

I suppose so!

ARIANE

Suppose has nothing to do with it!  You have made your choice.  We are strangers now.

ROBERT

I...

ARIANE

(yelling with fury)

Fly!  Or face my wrath!

ROBERT exits.

ARIANE watches him go and then her face relaxes into a smile.  She crosses to the front of the stage.  She cocks her head, listening for several beats to something we cannot hear.

ARIANE

Oh very good, Robert!  I loved the second verse!  The third needs work.

ARIANE steps towards the audience and sweeps her gaze over them.

ARIANE

I walk in beauty, like the night / Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright / Meet in my aspect and my eyes.

CURTAIN

(c) 2008 by Hunter Tremayne/BuzzCraft Ltd. This play may not be performed without the written permission of the playwright. This play is registered with the Writer's Guild of America (East).